you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
