Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
