so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
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In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
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He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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