how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
