I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
