That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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