her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
