pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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