I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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