your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
