Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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