if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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