sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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