i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
