GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
