Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
