the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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