The maid of honor just puked.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
