shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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