Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
