Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?

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(805): View more from California

Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?

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(503): View more from Oregon

I peed while puking? Even better

(1-503): View more from Oregon

Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(718): View more from New York

If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?

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(571): View more from Virginia

I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home

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(415): View more from California

So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button

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