kristin has been a bad kristin
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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