I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
