Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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