i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That accounts for only three of the penises
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
