yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
