I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
