I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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