dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
