im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
