I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
