I want to stick my p in your. b.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
