the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
