you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
