Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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