I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
