Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
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As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
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So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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