how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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