Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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