the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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