Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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