whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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