I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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