i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize