The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
