I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
