everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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