I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My life is pants optional.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
