Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
