I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
