i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
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Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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