You can't motorboat a personality
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
