My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
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So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
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Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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