Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
