got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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