just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
