so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
