then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
