he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
