It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
