i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
