Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
