at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
