Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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