This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
