Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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