it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
