its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
