You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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