It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
