i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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