Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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